Por que no los dos (why not both?)
by HeiKitsune
Summary: When Chramles comes up with evil plan to steal Jessica or Medea form the Hero, said brave solider leaps into action! Or kind of just yawns and gives the finger to his relative.


**I don't own the Dragon Quest series. The characters all belong to square Enix and its creators.**

 **I wanted to post this up with my other Dragon quest stories, but I decided why not.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

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Por que no los dos (why not both?)

At the moment, Charmless, is living up to his namesake.

"You dirty rotten bastard!" Yangus roared being held back Angelo.

In the throne room of the Trodain castle, the prince of Argon, along with his father stood in audience with the king Trode, and his daughter. The heroes who had slain the demon lord Rapthorne, are in attendance too. Although most of them are not that happy with the current events. If Jessica's bared teeth and Red's fiery glare are any evidence of it.

"Heh heh heh…" But Charmles is having quite the time himself.

'That silly uncle of mine thought he could get away with stealing my birth right eh?' Was his smug thought.

This all started when the blonde man child was rolling around in his uncle's old room; quite literally given his rounded girth, and found out about his unknown cousin and his origins in his uncle's dairy. When he realized that his cousin was the rightful heir, Charmles was furious. But at that moment a devious plan came into play.

Let it be known that no one has even said Charmless is stupid.

Only that he is quite honestly a pig.

"Hey!" Squeals the hog to the writer. "You uncouth four eyed swine! I am the hero of this! And demand to be treated as such! And it's Charmles!"

Listen you potbellied cretin. Unless you want me to write you into a pit of dragons, I suggest you shut it until I type you to say otherwise. Now piss off and get back into character!

"Er…r-right." The swine sweated at threat. "C-carry on then."

Now then, the plan Charmles came up with was a cunning yet simply one. Using the vow form his grandparents and the hand-written papers for Jessica's fiancé Lorenzo, he now has the choice of marrying of the noble beauties. All he had to do was have his slim friend hand of the rights of marriage to him.

Sure, he may not rule over two own kingdoms if he weds the fiery mage, but now he has taken something away from his lowborn of a cousin just like he tried to steal form him. And besides, like his father said, Va va voom.

Said king of Argon is rather disgusted by his son's actions. But this is the closest thing his little butter ball of son has shown to some sort of actual incentive.

"Come now cousin! It is only a simply choice!" He pointed to the two lovely ladies. "Either way, I get to have some fun in the end."

They pale hog couldn't help a blush on his cheeks as he licked his lips at the two young ladies. Both of them cringing back in horror. Although Jessica started to conjure a fireball in her hands.

"Touch any one of us you rat bastard and I'll roost you!"

That made Charmles sweat. "A-Ahem." Catching his breath, he turned to his relative. "So Hir-Hey!"

"Hm?" Hiro was leaning against the wall trying his best not to pass out.

It was only about six hours ago, since the party had defeated the demon king, Hiro had found out about his Dragonvian blood and the celebration Hiro had even used his very taxing Dragon soul to slay the monster. Before he could even hit the bed and rest, his obnoxious cousin came barging in.

Yelling something about rightful heirs and places in life and other nonsense he is too tired to care about right now.

"Ugh! Listen you filastine!" The porky prince pointed furiously at his half reptilian relative. "Pick a bride! Chose confound it!"

With a loud yawn the hero walked over to his childhood friend and his best friend.

"Hiro! Marry Jessica!" Sweet Media was the first to speak out. Desperation burned on her face. "She…she loves you just as much as I do!"

"Medea!?" Jessica looked utterly shocked at the princess's kindness. And the fact that she just ousted her feelings for Hiro.

Medea shook head at the very thought of her friend wedding such a pudgy thing. "You can't let her marry Charmles!"

"And you think I am going to let you stay with that jerk then your just as crazy!" Jessica spoke out herself. She rounded on Hiro her amber eyes blazing at her love interest. "Hiro! You have to marry Medea!"

The young mage burned her eyes though Hiro. "Medea's been in love with you since the first met. You can't marry anyone else."

She gave a sharp glare at Charmles who shrieked and hid behind his farther. "I can handle the little porky by myself."

"…." While both girls stared anxiously at him, the stalwart hero rubbed the back of his head listlessly.

"So…I just have to choose?" He asked with stifled yawn.

"Yes! Yes!" Charmles stomped his stubby feet in frustration. "Now chose already! Before we all grow as old as the goddesses!"

Casually, Hiro extended his arm.

"H-Hey!?"

And picked up Jessica and threw her over his shoulder.

"Eep!? Hi-Hiro!?"

Then took Medea under his arm. Carrying both girls out of the castle. Leaving everyone in the throne room rather dumb founded.

"What-what the devil are you doing Hiro!?" Jessica asked. Beating the young man's back with her fist with blushing embarrassment.

"Yes! You barbarian!" Charmles gave a chase huffing in both anger and the fact that he could barely carry his body weight. "Where are, you doing!?"

"You said to make a choice, right?" Shinji sighed as eh placed the girls down in the courtyard gazebo. "So, I just chose both of them."

Both young women blush fiercely at the bold declaration. Although the smile on their faces showed their joy at the decision.

"Ah." Hiro's tired eyes glazed back at his would-be wives. "Um if it's okay with you two that is?"

"E-Excuse me!" Before any of the girls could share their thoughts, the rounded prince of Argonia. He hunched over and wheezing, charmless tried to forte Hiro's idea. "Y-You can't do that!"

He thrusted the signed and legal document of his betrothment to Jessica and/or Medea. "You are only meant to choose one of them to be your wives! Choosing both is just cheating!"

Turning his pig nose up with un-rivaled audacity, Charmles cackled at his cousin. "Unless you want to go to war with my country I suggest you-Ah!?"

A blot of blue lighting stuck the ground in violently in front of the pudgy prince. Making him scream in girlish fear and fall on his rear.

"Wha-wha-wha-who-how!?" Charmles looked up to sky to see nothing but blue sky. Not a single cloud hovered over them as another blot came down and torched his marriage papers.

Even more frightening then nearly dying twice form random strikes of lighting was the too calm smile on Hiro's face as he walked up to the dead piece of pork-I mean quivering piece of pork.

"Tell me little cousin." Hiro kindly squatted down to eye level to oval shaped relative. "Do really want to go to war with someone like me?"

Hiro open his eyes to show sharp dragon fire red pupils. Slit like a dragon's, he looked menacingly at Charmless who backed away from Hiro in utter fear.

Although, Hiro's eyes weren't really red. They were just bloodshot form the lack of sleep. And the dragon pupils happen whenever he uses zap or any magic since that's him tapping into his dragon blood. The hero honestly just needs a good nap.

"F-F-F-F-Father!" Charmles whined to the king. "Y-Y-Y-You can't let him do this!"

King Caluivs, who was silently watching the whole affair, nodded in agreement with his son.

"You are quite right Charmles. Guards!" Argonian solders swiftly marched to their king's side. Ready to be commanded and thrown into battle.

"Take this gold and go buy some supplies. It appears we are to have a double wedding." Said the king as he handed the guard captain a sack of gold.

"Yes! Your majesty!" King Caluivs's men marched off into Town.

"Argh!" The cubby prince roared out his frustration. "Fine! I didn't want such ugly brides anyway!"

That woke up Hiro as his eyes grew wide with fear. Watching Medea's chilling smile and Jessica's hair to start writhing with her magical energy.

"Jessica?" Medea spoke with sweet venom. "May I borrow your whip?"

"Sure. As long as you hand me your scepter." Jessica kindly(?), asked.

"Eep!" The little piggy stepped back in terror as the two women stepped to them with the intention of death.

"What?" Wailed the pig.

And Ok maybe not death.

"Phew."

Just a few broken bones. Or ten.

"Ah! Farther help me!" The portly fellow took off running quite fast for his stubby legs.

"Get back here!"

"Your fast for a piece of ham!"

King Clavious sipped his wine with King Trode. Speaking a droned out monotone voice. "Oh no. Please. Stop. You'll hurt him."

While Yangus bellowed out laughing, and Red cheering the girls on, Angelo chuckled behind his hand. And then got Hiro's attention.

"Guess you'll have your hands fu-Huh?"

"Mmm." Only to find the young solider leaning against the pillar sleeping soundly.

"Heh. I guess even the bravest of heroes need their sleep."

"I'll turn you into pork soup your round beastly thing!" That was oddly enough the kind and gentle princess of Trodian.

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